Do not pass Go, do not collect your thoughts.

I SHOULD be working on NavWest at the moment seeing as how I need it completed in 14 hours, but I feel like so many other things are flying through my head right now I just need to get them out.

I feel like in the past few days I've been spoken to pretty clearly by God about something, but I'm not sure what that means! And while I have many things I need to wrap up and do, I wanted to share with you something that's been rattling around in my head today.

Hebrews 11 is one of my top ten favorite chapters of the Bible. I love how so many people are acclaimed for their faith (even though at times they demonstrated faithlessness.) For the past 4 weeks, I've been going through Faith, Hope, and Love in an individual study as well as one-on-one in discipleship with a student. I love the picture we have from Hebrews 6:19 where, "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure..."

But faith. If hope is an anchor, what I view as immovable, future seeking towards our hope in heaven, faith is needed every instant. Faith is being sure of what we hope for and trusting God's characteristics above all else.

⁸ By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. ⁹ By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. ¹⁰ For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.

¹³ All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. ¹⁴ People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. ¹⁵ If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. ¹⁶ Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them. Hebrews 11:8-10, 13-16

So this is a bit of what is bouncing around in my head.

Abraham lived in a tent.

He didn't posses land of his own and wasn't looking for a country of his own, but looked forward to eternal lodging. I like verse 15 because when I think about the places I left, I can be tempted to go back. Not in a bad way per say, but wishing God works the same way here in Long Beach as He did before, or thinking things would be different had I gone a different way.

I want to long for my heavenly country. I want to be more than fine living in a tent on foreign land. I want to see the promises of God, even if that means at times from a distance. I want my anchor to be grounded and my trust grown.

4th-grade Me

Fourth Grade Alicia makes me laugh.

I think as a result of too much Mighty Ducks and always having a weird combination of colors, I came to the conclusion in my little journal that I was going to go to Boston College (I thought red and gold were sophisticated college colors, and then I ended up at ASU ) and end up dating, then marrying a Christian hockey player named Elliot.

I really don't know why I thought this so fervently, or why such odd details, but I do know that God works all things together for my good.

I'm at a point where I am tired of change, and at the same time am looking forward to change enthusiastically. This struck me a few weeks ago talking with a friend who was saying as he was off to start a new adventure, one of our mutual friends almost seemed jealous he couldn't go start something too. This next year looking ahead is both exciting and terrifying to me. I am so ready to have a place where I can host dinners and have friends sit on the couch to watch TV or play wii and talk about real life issues without wondering who is next through the front door. But at the same time, for the first time since Kindergarten, I am the one staying in the same place and one of my best friends is moving on.

I wasn't expecting God to use Long Beach as a time to reconnect solely with Him and in some ways withhold community in my life. I wasn't expecting to feel so built up and torn apart all at the same time. I wasn't expecting Him to ask me to stay on staff and my friend to not.

But I see so much good in all these things, and while I begin to store my winter clothes knowing I'm moving in 2 months, all these thoughts of change flood my mind.

I'm wondering what God will do in this next season, what He is teaching me now that I still may not be aware of. What good He will bring to my family and friends in this next time too, and what challenges we all get to rise to.

Breathing...

xanga

Every now and again I like to take the time to look back on different things I've written over the years and mostly just laugh at myself.

I used to write a LOT more than I have these past two years. In some ways I miss it, in some ways I probably shouldn't write (or say) the majority of what I consider. Even earlier tonight my mouth thought it wise to come up with a Catan battle cry before my brain could scream, NOOOOO!

I don't really have much to say besides that. I think of all the times the Lord commands the Israelites to remember, and when they forget to, he reminds them again. It is good to be humbled reading thoughts I used to be so adamant about that really don't mean much in the grand scheme of things. So if I must be passionate and adamant, it should be about the Lord.

Sorry if that offends you, but really I'm not sorry, I'm sad. Sad you have yet to grasp true life and onto the One who will never let you go. What are you being stubborn about? Are you actually pursuing answers or are you allowing your questions to resonate around a hollow room trying to make sense from the commotion?

I challenge you, seek answers. I'm not going to tell you they will lead you to Christ, I'll just let you see where they lead you. I have confidence in where I stand...do you?

my roommate.

In flirting around with different ideas of writing a blog about my roommate, and how to best encompass the reality that is my roomie, this is the current result...

Where do you even start really? Do I make it a separate blog full of little commentary and moments that radiate joy and my thankfulness in God's sovereignty for our friendship the past few years? Do I write out every phrase that makes me laugh until my side cramps and eyes tear? Do I tell of how she knows all the words to Beauty & the Beast or how looking at a photograph of herself smiling makes her smile all the more? Or what about deciding she wanted a puppy only to decide she didn't want to deal with poop until babies were in the picture? Or her kindness in waiting a month to rub in her team beating mine in the World Series?

But none of that even does justice to her heart for justice and others, or her love to bake in order to share or her love of beef.

I guess this is just an introduction to my roomie. A dialogue of thoughts. I'm not sure if it will continue much more or often past here. But here it is for now.

Maybe our lives would make a better sitcom than blog, it does more justice to all the sound effects.

masterpiece.

Walking into a living room, you take in the couches, coffee table, lighting, and art. Over the couch against the wall is a larger piece of art.

It is the target to which the eye is drawn.

The pride of any artist's home.

If in the middle of taking in your surroundings, how would you feel if there was a large portrait of you over the couch?

The artist placed it there as evidence of his prized workmanship.

The house you are in belongs to Christ, He wishes to show you off to the world so they may see His hands in you. Are you a little thrown off to see your mug in a portrait on someone's wall? Do you critique the image hoping your hair was just a little different or a touch of photoshop was performed? Do you try to cover it up or place someone else's image in its stead?

Christ has you as His masterpiece on display for all to see. Do you act in a way that brings the attention and acclaim back to the creator? Or do you smudge off His signature for your own?

"What is we were an abstract self-portrait of God because we were made in His image?"

For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. - Eph 2:10

On a different note, we are looking through Ephesians this semester for Bible Study. As we approached Eph. 2:1-10, I loved a few of the titles for the passage the women had to share and wanted to pass them along!

1. Jesus loves Zombies - (based on the whole death to life theme)

2. Proud to be a Zombie - (someone had the same idea)

3. The Painter - (focusing more on the artist persona of God)

4. Wanted: Dead or Alive - (I love the Bon Jovi reference here!)

5. From Death to Life now Seated with Christ - (a little more straight forward)

"spread the love like dandelions"

::spread the love like dandelions::

I read this phrase online today and thought it to be an interesting thing. Spreading love like dandelions spread their seeds...

When we were younger, we had a crop of dandelions growing in the backyard. I loved to pick them up and blow them to watch them fly away in the wind. Like so many others, I would fluctuate between waving them around in my hands, blowing on them, and inspecting them with my fingers to see how soft they were. I wanted the seeds to go everywhere so I would never be without them.

My father would try to stop us and use his weed killers to get rid of them all, but tried and true, year after year, the dandelions would return. When I was in middle school or high school, I stopped noticing. I stopped looking down to see if they were there, or if I did noticed them, I would just rush by not thinking anything of them.

Last Wednesday, I picked up a dandelion with my teammates and blew the seeds all around the small grass patch we found them at. There were many there already, but I wonder how many will be there next season, or the season after that!

Why can't we desire to spread the hope and truth of Jesus's love in the same way dandelion seeds burst forth? Imagine if all the seeds planted new dandelions, how many would be new the next season as a result! I think sometimes we go about forgetting of those little seeds we could be spreading. Ones that lead our co-workers to see the fruit in our lives or the other mom in your kid's class to ask why you are able to stay so calm with pre-schoolers.

Are you always willing to share love, truth, and your life? As my boss so gracefully put today, "it is called the Great Commission, not the great suggestion."

Who are you living your life for? Where are you spreading seeds?

For my snowed in friends...

I thought since you were couped up, you may enjoy one of my recent favorite worship songs.

Have you ever played with mud?

It's a tricky thing that mud. You can climb a hill or dirt or sand and wind up with a little in your shoes, but mud. That's a whole other mess!

You may loose your shoe in it like happened to me this summer, or you may slide downhill on an effort to hike up. Mud is a tricky and messy thing.

Details

I've had a pretty productive last few days despite most of today spent working on my desk (bed) for over 5 hours. I've been reading The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis and have loved his talk of people unable to hold onto anything in this world to approach heaven. Nothing at all.

Last Friday my car battery died. But God allowed a teammate to come over with jumper cables after I took apart the majority of the battery only to find I didn't have a ratchet for one nut! Then, it happened to be the one day Alissa was home to be able to go to Sears Auto Center with me. My battery also has 4 months left under warranty so the replacement was completely free! And all of this happened the day before we were leaving for EDGE Preview. Imagine if it had happened a day later! I'd have a car-full of students ready to go with no working car! God is so good and His timing is perfect!

I just felt like I had to share this fun piece of God's providence! If you have any recent stories, please do share as well so we may glorify the Lord together!

2011 wha?

Wow.

One more year down for the record books!

Hard to believe and reflect on all the events of this past year. I don't do New Year's resolutions...I do a birthday evaluation, so I don't have a list to put up.

What I do have, is a deeper relationship with God as a result of a trialing year full of Disneyland-size roller coasters and surprises. Not too much, but just what God knows I can handle.

I'm looking forward to next year. Well, actually this year now! So come on Jesus, let's go! Guide me where you will and fill my heart with joy! Joy in the little things, the joy for Long Beach and the Middle East and Holland and Alicia.

Happy New Year!

May we all remember with Christ, the best days are always ahead!

unsure on a Monday

There is a child, standing in the middle of the stream.

Mountains surround the canyon leaving a state of aloneness pending. Where to go, what to do? So scared of making the wrong move, all joints tense to make no movement at all. The stress and mental anguish cause both tears and sweat to fall. The stream picks up pace. Staying stagnant is becoming harder to do. Choices to be made. Move out of the stream or let go with the pace. The child doesn't want to be washed away out of purpose, but what if the purpose lies around the bend. Supposed to get out and dry off? Then what? Would that be Jonahish to do? Or following a voice? But is the voice legit? Pretty sure called to fall and believe the stream for life, but holding out for the green light to turn. All roads may lead to Rome, but streams lead to a larger body of water. One much larger than we can imagine. Trying to think and decide, but a foggy head invades thoughts for the mind.

Onward towards Tuesday for thoughts to grow and the heart to blink.

Celebrating the Prince of Peace

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

Last tuesday was truly a night where we could invite the students to just spend some extended time in worship and praise with their Creator. Being the last NavNite of the semester, we wanted to pray for one another and focus on Jesus.

Earlier, Lauren, Melissa, and I had focused our time on God's peace and how He provides to us as a resource. Jesus gives peace. Even in the midst of dodging the crazies out at Target and Best Buy buying the latest and greatest gifts for loved ones, we can have peace in our lives.

I think of the story of Jesus on the boat when the disciples were panicked and woke him up to inform him of the oncoming storm...if I were woken up from sleep, I would not have had he same reaction as Christ! I would've been pretty upset or mumbling or asking someone to get me some chai tea before I could function, but He calmed the storm and kept His peace intact right away.

Peace is possible even in the middle of the storms of life, even in the middle of the Christmas crazies running amuck and in the middle of uncertainty where God would have you go in the next season of life.

What a joy to have peace from the Lord and being able to keep in step with the Spirit in such a way. Praise the Prince of Peace who saves us from ourselves!

moving steps

Have you ever just sat someplace and people-watched? If it were a profession, I'd hurry to find an application! I think my love for people-watching is one of the main reasons I love photography so much.

I asked my campus director the other day if he had a verse that he prays for Long Beach State. I was intrigued to find one of his verses is one I pray as well:

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. (Matthew 9:36)


There is one place on campus I love to watch students go by...the escalator. This is one of the main pathways fro the lower union to the upper-classroom areas and most students walk by looking down fumbling with their phones or ipod...alone.

I can't help but sit in my spot with my ipod resting in one ear praying for each of the students as they walk by. It's not that these students all come from Christian backgrounds and simply have chosen not to follow Christ....some of them have never heard of who Christ is! With new life surrounding me this semester, I can't help but look to the beauty of the cross and in realizing so many people have no idea what they believe, but are too afraid to admit it!

How can you not look with compassion to these students! How can I not sit there and pray while they go about their day knowing they may not have anyone else in their life willing to do so on their behalf. I feel blessed to labor in the exact role God has desired for me in this 2010 year.

I just pray the students will stop be carried by something else and take steps of their own off the escalator and towards the Lord. Will you pray with me?

a wonderful aroma

You know how there are those passages you keep coming back to in your life? One of my many for the past three years has been Daniel 3.

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego are a few of my heroes. God has used them to teach me a lot of things in the past, such as, letting others see Jesus beside you in the midst of the 'fires' in your life. God has also used them to show me to stand firm against foreign authorities in my life, and how to have enough faith and belief in God to save, even if He chooses not to. But last week, sitting at Starbucks with Laura, it was none of these points that stuck out to me. What I was struck by resides in verse 28.

"Then Nebuchadnezzar said, “Praise be to the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, who has sent his angel and rescued his servants!"

Nebuchadnezzar then goes on to defend the Lord by legally putting to silence anyone who speaks against the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. This all happened because three men had the courage to believe. They had the faith to know they were Children of God and recognized God's power and sovereignty.

I want God's power to be displayed in my life. I want to walk in such a way others will glorify God and join the path He has set out for their lives.

"But THANKS be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being served and those who are perishing."
2 Cor. 2:14-15

Selah.

silver coins.

In 1916, mi familia came to America from Mexico. It was by no means a straight path to this country. There is war, death, love, and a train car full of Santa Ana's silver involved.

I started writing a novella telling the full story of my family about 4-years-ago. I haven't finished out of frustration of missing details about my triple great-uncle, and sometimes I am unsure how to paint the picture between the three towns and three husbands held by my great-grandmother. But this much I do know...

Around 1908, my great-grandfather had gone insane as the people in the town of Guanajuato would define. Nearing the end of his life, he was feeble and had the assistance of a cane to get around. This man had bags full of silver hidden in his house that were passed down to him, and yet being frugal and fearing others would steal his wealth if only they knew, he lived as if he were poor. He walked around in rags. He'd yell at the top of his lungs pointing to poorer villagers, "He is cold, give him something to warm his feet," or "This one is my nino, give him food to eat."


Now I don't know if my great-grandfather was a man after God's own heart, but I can't help thinking of Matthew 25:37-40

"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

Where are we placed to be the voice of justice for God's children? We are far more blessed than we realize. Are you like the widow who gives her two copper coins, or the rich who poor out blessings and are not phased? We are each responsible for the gifts, talents and treasures God has given us. I've been blown away recently seeing how some students are responding to God's calling us to give through our various resources. Let's all follow together!

Flash.

I still remember the night vividly. We were driving back from Otaki where Alycia and I shared our testimonies to the Chinese food-workers congregation. Sarah, Meredith, and I sat snug in the back of Janeen's car, and as we had been without a radio the entire trip, filling the empty space with our voices had come to be a normal occurrence.

We sang the lyrics to one of our favorite hymns at the top of our lungs, and for a moment, I forgot it was raining as our voices drowned out the sound of drops hitting the windshield.

And then it happened.

We were silenced.

Like a whip, a lightning bolt cracked across the sky and the beam of white light coming from it stunned us into silence.

The blast was blinding.

It took a moment for anyone to say anything. And then we began t praise God again. for His power and creation. For Him silencing us with His love in our lives. For the Chinese. For placing each of us in that car exactly at that moment.

Have you been silenced by God? By His power? By His love?

Why not?

Be silent in awe of Him.

brickwall : waterfall

Have you ever stood in the middle of a waterfall's flow?

I'm not talking about a hard-roaring one that would knock you off your feet, but a slow flow that you can stand under that in a way feels like a high-powered shower.

When I tried snorkeling this summer, after about 10 minutes I realized I was underwater and started having a panic attack! I could no longer touch the ground and the current was keeping me from swimming as fast as I could. I had the tools and ability needed to be completely fine...I'm a decent swimmer..but I still panicked.

I've had that happen in a waterfall before. I'm totally fine and enjoying the pounding of the water on my shoulders, and then all of a sudden, I realize I'm surrounded by water! I was perfectly fine before, but when I freak out I lift my head looking around trying to find a way out to breathe.

In a waterfall, all you have to do is bow your head and you'll have an area to breathe. When you put your hand through a flow of water it simply moves around it. This is the same concept. Your head is blocking the flow.

So many times we do the opposite feeling overwhelmed by things being poured on our head. We look around, seek a way out, and don't just bow our head to breathe and receive life. We are not supposed to run out to breathe and then come back. But live and flourish where God has placed us. In the midst of the flow, bow your head.

Hannah Montana is a Liar.

No matter how hard you may believe it to be true...you cannot have the 'best' of both worlds.

Matthew 6:24 says, ""No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money."

Many times I feel like we want to be followers of Christ, but only when it is beneficial to the image of our lives we think we deserve. We want to stand firm knowing our identity is in Christ and yet we place our identity in our work or family or success. We want things to look a way we picture in our minds, and then we tell God we want Him to do what is best for us. We cannot have both.

Do you want Christ to increase and you to truly decrease? (John 3:30) Or do you want to keep playing a game? Where have you grounded your feet? in this world? or in the hope of Christ?

We have to go from tourists to pilgrims in our faith.

Feet....beautiful?

Birthdays can be a more intriguing time for me, because on top of not liking being singled out in a group, I normally get some great time to process the year with God and reflect on how He's moved in my life over the past year. The reality of welcome week and our kick-off Bonfire being today (praise God for some 90+ students that came!) I didn't have as much time as I normally take to process. But as I was cleaning up, I felt God speaking to me.
One of the gifts I received was from a friend desiring to go get pedicures together. I found myself thinking of the same gift I gave to my secret sister before with Romans 10:15 attatched which says,

"How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"

I couldn't help but chuckle observing my own feet as I literally scrubbed off blackness from the day! Beautiful...ha! With my bruise from tripping over nothing and my peeling skin...I didn't see my feet as beautiful tonight!

...at first.
My feet are beautiful to God because He made them! That may sound so elementary, yet it's true. God made my feet and I just walk and try to follow Him. I don't workout my feet like I do my arms or legs...I don't tone them, or put effort into bulking them up. I just use them...and that's when God sees them as beautiful...when I'm moving towards Him and I have to stop and brush some dirt off along the way. Feet are beautiful when you are using them to step closer to God.

Thank you Lord for giving me grace to scrub off the blackness that distracts from my path. Thank you for providing us with a way to walk with you. Thank you for year 24 and the people you have given along the way. Thank you for loving me despite my sin. Selah.

Super Size US!

The Lord has promised good to me,
His Word my hope secures;
He will my shield my portion be,
As long as life endures.

These lyrics have been floating around in my mind from Amazing Grace ever since our first NavNite last night. I love that God is our portion.

There are numerous verses reminding us of this fact, and yet God chooses to supply each of us with a portion of Himself that satisfies! We always want the larger portion of food in America for the best price. A 5 dollar foot-long from Subway can last for two meals and thereby trumps going to get a $12 custom club sandwich from a different shop. More food for the buck. But God want to give us a great and generous sized portion...and for free!

Well, the portion is not necessarily free...it comes at a price Christ paid and a surrendering of yourself. To want a greater portion of God in your life is not something you hear the mainstream of people saying. It means less of your own wants and desires and more of God's. Eventually you figure out your desires start to line up more with God's as time goes on and your relationship grows, but the portion will remain and satisfy.

The Lord has promised good to me...His Word my hope secures...*walks off humming*

raindrops

Two days back in the US and I am still quite jet-lagged and slower in my movements than usual. As I sit here in the living room, a random thunderstorm blew over the house for five minutes leaving raindrops dripping from the roof and painting connect-the-dots on the back window. As quick and sudden as it may be, the effects of the rain benefit the grass and trees for long after the drops cease falling.
I feel that represents a lot of this summer trip. In a flash of lighting I felt like I went from moving in with Jen, Justin, and Kevin to teach English to all of a sudden boarding a plane in Germany to come back to Texas. Before I could realize it had happened, the trip was over. But the water from the rain continues to impact both my life and the lives of others in the Middle East.

I couldn't have expected for God to do so many things with one trip, but I stand back in awe of participating in His blessings raining down. I still can't put my finger on how much happened in five weeks, but I'm glad to have the opportunity to process throughout the next few days yet. One week in Texas, one week in Arizona, and then back to Long Beach. I can't wait to hear about what God did in the lives of my family and friends across the US this summer. Still discerning where all the drops went in the midst of trying to discern what all I am being taught. A beautiful place to be.