documenting reasons

Top Books read of 2011:

Lessons from San Quentin

The Great Divorce - C.S. Lewis

A Tale of Three Kings - Gene Edwards

Luke's Story - Lahaye/Jenkins

Redeeming Love

Leota's Garden

Cre Through the Eyes of the Cro

Erasing Hell

Witness

Maniac Magee

Just Do Something

Face Plant

Have you ever viewed yourself as truly washed pure as snow?  Snow is an interesting thing to me.  When the sun is shining brightly onto snow it is blinding to look at!  This was one of the thoughts passing through my mind as we drove up to Sunrise, a place to ski in Arizona.

I've never been skiing before last Monday, and I've also never had the most interesting shapes of bruises on my body!

I almost hit a tree, I got stuck in a tree, I had more problems standing up combined then I have since I was 18 months old, I flipped over more than once, and I face-planted.

I'm not sure if this is going to make sense to you, but  face-planting was one of the joyous events of the day.  It hurt a little (not too much Mom!), but I found myself unable to get up because I was laughing full of joy!  Sure I didn't make it as far as I wanted on that turn (still haven't mastered turning despite Troy's patience!), but I had to think of how funny I looked to other people!  I slid close to my friend Sarah and saw the panic on her face, but I just couldn't stop laughing!  As I was taking a second to regain my breath before continuing on, it made me think of the fact, as we are blinding others reflecting the Son with our faces white as snow, we are going to fall sometimes.  We are going to face-plant!  But the Lord loves us so and lays out a path for our feet.  Granted there are times we get stuck in trees or feel like we can't stand up long enough to go down the path, he provides His Spirit, friends, and everything we may need to come alongside and aide us for the journey.

I'm so grateful God doesn't expect me to get everything right off the bat or understand whether the path turns right or left just up ahead out of my vision.  I'm grateful for some pretty sweet friends and family both close and afar journeying down the mountain with me even when I can't see them.  I'm grateful for the ways God reveals His Glory to me and allows me to reflect it to this world in the ways He has designed for me.

If my face is going to be planted in the snow, I'm glad to know that while it is planted, God will cause the growth to come!  Praise the Lord for no major injuries and a sweet time with friends!

The Beautiful Mess

Baking is Messy.

When I start to bake, I always convince myself I don't need an apron.  I never wear one and afterwards I always have more flour on my shirt than in the batter!  It's kinda fun that way though.  Like when I'm making tortillas and the flour is all over the counter and floor.  It's kinda like snow I suppose.

I used to always think I enjoy cooking more than baking which is usually true, but lately cooking seems so exhausting!  Constant running around and trying to figure out what to throw in and what pairs well.  adjusting the heat and pans constantly so it's cooked jut right!  But there is a freedom in experimenting and being able to throw in whatever you want and seeing how it turns out.

Baking is a lot of prep, but once it's in the oven, you need only wait to see how it came out!  Is it good?  Do I need to adjust anything (or pretend i know how to fix it) before another batch goes in?

But I like that the baking I do comes with a recipe.  There is a set list to follow, what ingredients to use and exactly how much.  Even a cook time and temperature so I don't have to guess!

Lately, I feel like my life is like cooking adding numerous things here and there.  Leaving this out, discovering what pairs well with my passions and desires and being put under a variety of temperatures to come out just right.  But lately I'm wishing for my life to be a little more like baking.  I'd like to just be told what to do for how long and how much of certain ingredients I need.

But life is more messy than that.  It ends up scattered on the counter and while the majority makes it in the finished product, somethings can be tossed aside.  I'd like the direction in the midst of the stove top.  I guess life can be compared to a blend between the two.  We have a general idea thanks to God of where things are going, but until we get to the finished product, we keep adjusting, adding, and subtracting.

I can't wait until the timer goes off!



"Specific step-by-step instruction is not usually how God operates.  His way is to show His holiness, declare us Holy in Christ, then exhort us to grow in holiness in daily life."  Just Do Something p. 58

On a Mission

I was blessed to be given the opportunity by our life group leaders to join them volunteering at Operation Christmas Child today.  For those of who who don't know what that is, it is a non-profit group that sends shoe boxes of goodies to millions of children around the world in order to display Christ's love in a tangible way.  They also partner with churches overseas who have discipleship programs.

So our job had a few different parts.  We took the shoe boxes and processed them in a warehouse.  This particular warehouse was responsible for 700,000 boxes.  This is not the only plant, but a large one!  So one person would collect donations for Samaritan's Purse or shipping, and then another person would then check the boxes for items that were not acceptable.  Glass breakables or items that could be harmful were removed and replaced with new toys companies donated or candy or books.  Then the box was passed off to someone who would tape it up before someone else carefully packed it in a box.  Then I taped up the boxes and got to shoot them down this sweet conveyor belt.  (picture below)

As soon as the guy further down the line started heckling me to work faster, I made a goal to launch each box down the line as close to that end marker as possible!  Approximately a 25 yard-stretch in a shuffleboard type manner!  Each box, prepped, cleansed, stuffed, and sealed was traveling with other boxes down the line to head off to bless others and show them Jesus.

It didn't hit me until halfway through our open-mic night at Navs that this is a picture of what I feel God has called me to do in this Missions Mobilizer role.  I didn't bring the boxes, or get to see where they are headed, but I am with them for a bit.  I get to help at times, as I started today, removing objects from within that are not acceptable and could harm others or the box itself.  I work with women helping them see themselves in the way Christ does and point them on towards being blessed to be a blessing.  Then I get to help put Jesus and the Word and other good things in.  Tools needed to know Christ and make it known.  Then after being sealed, the box is placed in a community of other boxes who have gone threw this same process to be shipped off to a destination of which I myself cannot go, but get to push the box and watch how far down the line it goes.  

In our case today, the boxes were headed to the Philippines.  I don't know where God will send these women and friends I am blessed to walked along.  But I get to help see them takeoff and praise God He chooses to use me in the process.

What a blessing to get to serve and see what the Lord is doing.

For we are God's fellow workers; you are God's field, God's building.
By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it.  But each one should be careful how he builds.  
1 Cor. 3:9-10

coconut cravings

I don't know why, but this past year my world has been taken over by the coconut.  I can't get enough of it!  I think it all started when my dear sister Alissa started baking chocolate-dipped macaroons.  (Is your mouth watering yet?)

There is just something so beautiful to me about the coconut itself.  When I went to Mexico my sophomore year at ASU, my friend Katy ordered a coconut to drink.  The man picked one from his cart, sliced the top with a machete, and proceeded to hand it to her with a straw.  That was it!  Pure coconut!

It seems strange to me that such a sweet and pure white substance can come from the inside of such a hard shell!  In considering Psalm 119:11 today, I thought of a coconut. "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you."  If the Word protects us and keeps us from taunting as we keep reading, what would it look like to hide it in our hearts?  Hidden: kept in a safe place within us where no one can take it away.  I want the Word of the Lord to be at the center.  A delicious feast I can keep coming back to that is protected from the lies of the world and the bugs of the enemy.  I want its flavor to permeate into new tastes and show up in new and unexpected ways.

I want my mouth to water for the Word of God the way it does when I think of those macaroons!  Oh Father, your Word is like honey on my lips!  Too wonderful to describe.  Invade my heart with your presence and truth.  Remind me I am not alone.  Protect me from Satan.  Let your goodness and truth be the center of my life.   

Skilled Hands

My grandmother is a master quilter.  For years she used to say the only computer she'd ever need was her sewing machine.  Unlike most quilters today, she still makes every quilt stitch by hand!  Every stitch!

The idea of "all in" has been rolling around in my head the past few weeks.  Like how we are told to love the Lord our God will all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength!  Wow...what a task to be called to!  Col. 3:23 says, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."

When I think of how every stitch is planned and purposed and meaningful, it adds beauty to the finished product as you can reflect on how much work and effort went into it.  But the end result is beautiful.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."  

Commanding Waves

I walked ankle-deep into the ocean just staring out at the lines of waves crashing in. I thought about how vast God is and how great His ways that I could never piece them together. As my mind was headed out to sea, I heard a little girl yelling.

To my right, a girl was building a sandcastle with her Mom. The tide was rising and in fear of ruining all of her work, she pointed at the waves crashing and yelled, "NO! STAY AWAY! Don't come here..GO AWAY!"

She commanded the waves to depart and to her luck, the waves came within 3 inches of her sand castle, but did not touch it!

I think of how funny it is when we try to control God in our life. 'No God, not that...i'll be ok with anything but that! The truth is, we can't control what comes into our lives or what is happening, but we can control if we will let God do what He wills with joy...meanwhile watching others yelling at the waves.

Weakness...

Our Bible Study Introduction was tonight. Here is what it read in reference to 1 Cor. 1:26-2:5 and 1 Cor. 15:10

Weakness, Humility, & Gratitude :: Walking Perpendicular to the Ways of the World

There is a beauty in taking a walk. There is a rhythm, a movement in which you travel. Breathing in the air, observing the sights, but moving with purpose towards a given destination. When you walk, do you walk aimlessly? Do you ask for directions or follow the same path you have gone before? In a new city, who is your guide in the back streets? If Jesus asked you to take a walk with Him, would you? Would you let him lead even if it meant taking a new road you’ve only heard of before?

Let’s spend the semester walking. Moving purposefully away from the World, unsure where God will ask us to go, but moving into a greater intimacy and understanding with Him.

As we walk, will you travel with your friends in weakness, humility, and gratitude? At times it may feel like they are slowing down your stride, but I want to ask you to embrace them and not run off leaving them behind, but running the race together. Building one another up in grace and truth as Christ first bestowed to us.

5 W's and the H

In journalism, I was always told to get a good story, look for the 5 W's and the H. The who, what, when, where, why, and the how something took place. Then, piece it all together for others to understand the text clearly.

As I look through scripture, I find the people I connect with the most are those who never received the W's or H and still decided to step out in faith.

Just think of Job. How many questions did he ask and yet in the time of waiting did not sin against God, but put his hope in the anchor. How often did Moses try to find his way out of speaking only to have the Lord prove Himself as I AM and appointing him to be his mouthpiece to Pharaoh along with Aaron. Isiah didn't ask the task, but responded with "Here am I." He didn't pull out his reporter's notebook asking for the location, time commitment, and what it would cost. He went.

I fell like my journalistic nature can hold me back at times. To feel like I see the beauty behind the story as a whole, I want all the details before I can piece it all together instead of letting it happen along the way. Who are you making me out to be? What does this dream mean and how does it fit in? When are you going to reveal yourself yet again? Where will you glorify your name next? Where do you want me to be? Why Lord is this piece suddenly moved across the country? Why are the cinder blocks suddenly on my feet? Why do the colors look like they are shifting? How am I supposed to know what you desire of me?

You see...these answers don't really matter if I am just focused on getting the end result. The end result is Christ Jesus. And He has given us himself in the Spirit, Father of our hearts, and the Word.

The answer to the question truly is Jesus.

Some books are harder to turn the page than others.

I came across this plague in Boston and I was blown away by its beauty and simplicity.

Here... D.L. Moody accepted the Lord.

I was wondering, what if we had these sort of place-markers in life to remind us of the things God has done in our lives to draw us closer to himself. What if we didn't make the mistake of the Israelites and could remember who God is and what He has done for us.

In talking with friends back in my college-town, I've been reflecting back on the past 6 years of my life. We talk about dorm-life and times we missed class (accidentally of course!) We've laughed about times ministering in Long Beach and ask where other friends are now. Things aren't always happy to reflect on though.

I don't know if the Israelites necessarily liked thinking about slavery in Egypt or wandering in the desert for 40 years, and yet God met them in such big ways during that time!

So I'm thumbing through mental images of placards in my mind. This one reading "Here, Alicia learned how to trust God more. Here, Alicia came to her knees realizing others' lives are in God's hands and not hers. Here, Alicia's heart broke for those on the outskirts, who are misunderstood. Here, Alicia remembered and praised God for who He is despite all the sandstorms blocking her nearsightedness at times."

Selah

now boarding

I finally got settled in my chair after another woman squeezed passed me to her seat by the airplane window. I opened up my book and was near brought to tears reading the words on the page. Stories of men who had stepped away from the status quo and shared their faith in Jesus in bold ways to friends.

"As soon as I finished my presentation (in Mark 5), there was a question-answer time. the first question was asked by one of the women. Politely she raised her her index finger and made a statement followed by a question: "I want to believe in Jesus. How do I do it?" I almost fell out of my chair. I had not expected a question like that to be asked in public. Most likely her husband was sitting on the other side of the room." (Jabbour CTtEotC p.169)

My heart was flooded with emotion thinking of the many ways in these past few weeks alone God has been reveling himself to me. Not in ways I expected, but in the journey and process of sanctification from this summer. I wanted to cry out and lift my hands praising God for who He is, not caring at all what the woman on the plane next to me may think. I probably would have started crying more to a greater extent had the women a few rows behind me not yelled in this exact moment burdened by an anxiety attack. The flight attendants rushed to her and my heart was filled with compassion that Jesus simply be with her in that moment.

And that is the exact picture I feel from this summer. Everything seems to be fine, but as soon as out plans lurch out of our control; we panic, worry, and question. But all the time, our pilot is in the cockpit granting us good things and peace that doesn't come from this world.

If only we all could respond so bluntly to truth presented in our lives. If only we could constantly cling to Christ, our anchor of hope. Father thank you for your gifts you give. Thank you that even when I can't see it, you are working all things together for my good and your glory.

slow-learner

I walked outside the bookstore following a man I had just met. His wife and I sparked up a conversation inside and he asked if he could steal 4 minutes of my time. The fact he asked if he could steal my time struck me, so after announcing to a few friends we were stepping out, he simply starred me down for an uncomfortably long period of time.

"I came here to Colorado to share my story," he began. "You see, I always thought I had to be like everyone else. learn the same way, read the same amount in the Bible to grow with God. But I couldn't do that!"

He began tossing a pin up into the air repetitively. His catching was not very good. After the pen hit the ground a few times, he continued tossing it up into the air and said, "you see, i figure if i throw this pen like a fool, maybe you'll remember what I'm sharing!" He was right!

Tossing-pen guy wanted to share what he had learned over the past few years. That he didn't have to read chapters or books of the Bible at one time to grow in the Lord, but he could read small portions. Maybe 5 verse chunks and meditate on it for the day. He finally felt free from feeling like he had to read as if in a sprint, and could study at a pace fit for him.


I love that Robert Robinson was 22 when he wrote the words, "Come Thou Fount of every blessing; Tune my heart to sing Thy grace" When I think of tuning I think of a long process. One small tweak and everything is off! When I was a child, we had a piano. My parent's hated having to tune it because it was so expensive to have someone come out to fix it! Every note, every key had to be tuned to perfection. It wasn't good enough to have one note off.

Tuning my heart to God's is a very long process too. God is not pleased with the majority of my heart being ok. He wants and deserves my all. I think I'm a slow learner when it comes to understanding aspects of God's love and grace. I'm a slow learner at times in receiving the things He'd love to give to me. But my heart is being tuned, and I can't wait to hear the beautiful melodies in heaven.

Batting Practice

Sometimes when thinking about funding, I want to turn and ask God, "are we there yet?"

I was at the batting cages the other day with a good friend of mine. Let me be the first to tell you I am not as good as my JV High School Days!

I slid the token into the pitching machine and stepped up to the plate. Feet shoulder-width apart. Bat stretched to kiss the bottom right corner of the plate. Weight on back foot. Bat circling three times before the ball comes flying out of the machine. Focusing on rotating my hips with my practice swing.

The light turned orange and the ball was sent. I starred it down just like I used to and... THUNK. It hit the back drop. Shaking it of I began again. Feet, bat poised, THUNK. The next eight pitches all ended up the same way. My friend coaching me the whole time with an echoing, 'too low... too low" after every swing.

Finally, the sun began to get to me, and I was blinded by my own sweat and the crusted leather from my glove making my left eye stream as if a facet had just been turned on. I closed my eye and the next pitch that came was followed by a CRACK. The ball soared over the pitching machine. It would've been an easy out by the 2nd baseman, but I made contact! The next few I hit as well! A few of them went straight up and I feared they would hit me on the head. (My friend couldn't help but laugh at that sight!) Why in the world was I hitting with one eye closed and not with both open?!?

I realized after the 20 pitches passed, with two eyes, I wasn't focusing on just hitting the ball. I was too absorbed in my stance, and where I wanted the ball to go. I was remember how I used to bat, and expected the same home-run RBI scoring results.

I feel like I'm batting with an eye-patch. I have no idea where the remaining 59% of my funding is going to come from. I know my focus is on God as how with every pitch, He is teaching me so much more. His heart and blessings, through trial and triumph, are evident in every story I am blessed to share with others this summer. I know whether I'm on campus on time or not, I'll get to share even more of what He is doing, even if I don't fully comprehend in the moment. My heart breaks hearing stories of tribulation in others' lives, but I know the Lord wants them to close their eyes and see through His.

So thankful to be under a coach who bats a thousand.

Beautiful Thoughts

The hymn, Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus has been serenading in my mind tonight so I couldn't help but share the lyrics in hopes these truths rattle around in your mind as well.


O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free!

Refrain:
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

Through death into life everlasting
He passed, and we follow Him there;
O’er us sin no more hath dominion—
For more than conqu’rors we are!

His Word shall not fail you—He promised;
Believe Him, and all will be well:
Then go to a world that is dying,
His perfect salvation to tell!

Nav T-Shirts!

From now until July 1st, you can order the new CSULB NAV shirt! Ben designed these and they will cost $11/shirt. You can pay me in a check by mail, or I can send you a paypal invoice to send to my bank.

Payment must be to me by July 1st (when I order) or else you will not be getting a shirt!

Let me know if you are interested! We have men and women's sizing S-XL. (I know this is mainly for Long beach students so sorry to my regular readers!)

Distractions

I have so much fun the past two weeks pouring my free time into a little project I've been working on. It's a version of a game called Settlers of Catan that I've been making out of wood with much help from finding the right supplies at Hobby Lobby!


It's given me the excuse to find fun Lord of the Rings fonts online (and a new Calvin and Hobbes one just for grins) as well as bring out my mod podge, sand paper, and paint for a bit. I still need to get out a saw to cut some roads, but I've enjoyed having the distraction from funding this summer to work on and mess around with.

I like doing things with my hands.

Last Saturday, I even got to drive up to my Grandma's and paint her shed. Boy was that rusted roof a bit wobbly to be standing on! But it was fun, even if my back was mad at me the next day!

I wonder sometimes just how much joy God gets from His creation. I know even in this little project I like seeing what I've done; I can't even begin to imagine how much God must cherish us...His creation and seeing us grow into His design.

plant gardens.

"This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce." Jeremiah 29:4-5

My dad went off briefly about weeds in the front flower beds today. Just about how he always feels it is a losing battle and it got me to think about this garden exercise I did with my "integrity" Bible study in college. We drew weeds and flowers representing times in our life we were influenced both positively and negatively about a topic. The weeds in our life can be the hardest things to deal with and get rid of. The roots are typically so stubborn and just when we think we've conquered it, it grows back weeks, months, maybe even years later.

I have a friend back in Long Beach who can be a bit random in hobbies, but she and her hubs have a beautiful quaint garden. Pretty good for a small LB townhouse if you ask me. But they enjoy the herbs and fruit they grow themselves.

This section of Jeremiah really encouraged me in my choice to stay on staff as so many times people quote verse 11 not thinking of the context of the rest of the passage. This was not good news to the Israelites. They were hoping Jeremiah was going to tell them they could come home, leave Babylon behind and find their national identity in their physical land again. Instead, Jeremiah tells them to stay where they are and get settled, because it is going to be a while!

I think sometimes we can fool ourselves saying one little seed is enough work for a garden to spring up. When in reality, a garden is not just one plant. It is a myriad of plants and seeds sprouting in growth when the right resources are added. This next year in Long Beach, I want to see a garden of many types, shapes, and designs of plants sprouting up to bear good fruit. It's gonna be work, but I'm glad the soil is already being tended to.

Second-String Lies

The other day I was comparing the Clippers to the kid at recess who got picked last. Nobody really cares for them to be on their team, but you deal with their existence all the while knowing they can help to make the rest of your team look good.

Then I was thinking, though I was always one of the first picked in elementary school (and used to be pretty happy about it), come middle school, I easily was overlooked to become second-string. Softball, Ultimate, no problem! But basketball...I loved the game and could do great in practice, but as soon as some kid came running up to me, I would end up doing horribly! I would make so many fouls for reaching over girls heads unknowing that my height advantage was not supposed to be used to catch a rebound in that way. The game became less fun when I was pulled before the second half.

I was talking about worth with one of my friends the other day. The lies we believe in being unwelcome in other people's lives and the sadness it brings to see people leave the team, done with a sport that used to give them so much joy. Then I was reflecting later on why people leave, why we can all feel unwanted or as if we have become the second-string.

Yesterday I washed and detailed my car. As I was riding back from a friend's house, I noticed I streaked the windshield on the interior! I immediately felt angry at myself! Like after 3 hours of working on the car I couldn't even get that right!

Sometimes, I can think I'm second-string in God's eyes too.

Like I can't seem to get anything right! That if there were enough other players ready to play, I would be moved to the bench in a heartbeat.

But in God's eyes, I'm the starting quarterback. I'm the clean-up hitter put into the 9th inning when the team is tied. In God's eyes, he is sad I view myself on the second-string. I'm the masterpiece MVP he wants to put on display, and I'm sitting there hiding in a corner.

James 1:18 says, "He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created."

Do you get it? We are the firstfruits! The cream of the crop! Put into the game because we want to play! Not because of our own abilities, but because we have an amazing coach!

Selah

Do not pass Go, do not collect your thoughts.

I SHOULD be working on NavWest at the moment seeing as how I need it completed in 14 hours, but I feel like so many other things are flying through my head right now I just need to get them out.

I feel like in the past few days I've been spoken to pretty clearly by God about something, but I'm not sure what that means! And while I have many things I need to wrap up and do, I wanted to share with you something that's been rattling around in my head today.

Hebrews 11 is one of my top ten favorite chapters of the Bible. I love how so many people are acclaimed for their faith (even though at times they demonstrated faithlessness.) For the past 4 weeks, I've been going through Faith, Hope, and Love in an individual study as well as one-on-one in discipleship with a student. I love the picture we have from Hebrews 6:19 where, "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure..."

But faith. If hope is an anchor, what I view as immovable, future seeking towards our hope in heaven, faith is needed every instant. Faith is being sure of what we hope for and trusting God's characteristics above all else.

⁸ By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. ⁹ By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. ¹⁰ For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.

¹³ All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. ¹⁴ People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. ¹⁵ If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. ¹⁶ Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them. Hebrews 11:8-10, 13-16

So this is a bit of what is bouncing around in my head.

Abraham lived in a tent.

He didn't posses land of his own and wasn't looking for a country of his own, but looked forward to eternal lodging. I like verse 15 because when I think about the places I left, I can be tempted to go back. Not in a bad way per say, but wishing God works the same way here in Long Beach as He did before, or thinking things would be different had I gone a different way.

I want to long for my heavenly country. I want to be more than fine living in a tent on foreign land. I want to see the promises of God, even if that means at times from a distance. I want my anchor to be grounded and my trust grown.

4th-grade Me

Fourth Grade Alicia makes me laugh.

I think as a result of too much Mighty Ducks and always having a weird combination of colors, I came to the conclusion in my little journal that I was going to go to Boston College (I thought red and gold were sophisticated college colors, and then I ended up at ASU ) and end up dating, then marrying a Christian hockey player named Elliot.

I really don't know why I thought this so fervently, or why such odd details, but I do know that God works all things together for my good.

I'm at a point where I am tired of change, and at the same time am looking forward to change enthusiastically. This struck me a few weeks ago talking with a friend who was saying as he was off to start a new adventure, one of our mutual friends almost seemed jealous he couldn't go start something too. This next year looking ahead is both exciting and terrifying to me. I am so ready to have a place where I can host dinners and have friends sit on the couch to watch TV or play wii and talk about real life issues without wondering who is next through the front door. But at the same time, for the first time since Kindergarten, I am the one staying in the same place and one of my best friends is moving on.

I wasn't expecting God to use Long Beach as a time to reconnect solely with Him and in some ways withhold community in my life. I wasn't expecting to feel so built up and torn apart all at the same time. I wasn't expecting Him to ask me to stay on staff and my friend to not.

But I see so much good in all these things, and while I begin to store my winter clothes knowing I'm moving in 2 months, all these thoughts of change flood my mind.

I'm wondering what God will do in this next season, what He is teaching me now that I still may not be aware of. What good He will bring to my family and friends in this next time too, and what challenges we all get to rise to.

Breathing...

xanga

Every now and again I like to take the time to look back on different things I've written over the years and mostly just laugh at myself.

I used to write a LOT more than I have these past two years. In some ways I miss it, in some ways I probably shouldn't write (or say) the majority of what I consider. Even earlier tonight my mouth thought it wise to come up with a Catan battle cry before my brain could scream, NOOOOO!

I don't really have much to say besides that. I think of all the times the Lord commands the Israelites to remember, and when they forget to, he reminds them again. It is good to be humbled reading thoughts I used to be so adamant about that really don't mean much in the grand scheme of things. So if I must be passionate and adamant, it should be about the Lord.

Sorry if that offends you, but really I'm not sorry, I'm sad. Sad you have yet to grasp true life and onto the One who will never let you go. What are you being stubborn about? Are you actually pursuing answers or are you allowing your questions to resonate around a hollow room trying to make sense from the commotion?

I challenge you, seek answers. I'm not going to tell you they will lead you to Christ, I'll just let you see where they lead you. I have confidence in where I stand...do you?