Su-wipe!

I had to go shopping for a few items for my upcoming missions trip including grammar charts from Spark Notes and a book of quizzes!

The most enjoyable thing is running into random people around town all the time! I saw my high school softball coach, some CBC friends, some Vacation Bible School friends, customers from Blockbuster who I had a weird "i-think-i-know-you-but-I'm-not-sure" stare-down with...and the occasional high school acquaintance thrown in here and there. It's hard to think the team leaves in under two weeks to head across the world! I had so many more books I wanted to read by this time! Off to bed for another day! Who will I run into?!? The mystery awaits!

Nostalsia

There is something special about concerts. Last year at this time, I had the privilege to volunteer at a concert series in SoCal called Spirit West Coast. While I couldn't work it this year, there is one image I wanted to share as it moves me to tears thinking back to it!

T-bone, a Christian rapper, was one of the headliners for the day's event. It was about dinner time so you could still see the sunlight behind the stage lights. He bagan to share his testimony, and the testimony of each of his band members. It was the bass player's story that touched my heart. He told of how he was ready to kill himself at noon, and at 11:59 his phone wouldn't stop ringing, so he answered it and heard T-bone on the phone saying he needed a bass player and felt that the bass player could really use a friend so he picked up the phone. That was a few years prior to the young man shedding tears hearing how God had saved his life.

So T-bone asked everyone packed in crushing the stage to move back 10 feet. Everyone slowly stepped back leaving a space between the audience and the 20 or so of us on the ministry team. He asked those who wanted to accept Christ or recommit their lives to make a bold statement. When he counted to 3, he wanted them to run, sprint and RUN down to the stage and profess to God they believed in Him. One...Two...THREE!

Teenagers RAN to us. There were two girls who were already in the front who ran straight to me and knocked me off balance as they fell into my arms. They were crying and sorry for the lives they were living, but wanted to accept Christ into their hearts and live for Jesus alone.

What a sight to see people RUN for Jesus. To see a great need in their hearts and not just kick the dirt wishing for a way out, but seeing the solution and swallowing their pride to make Christ first! Do you run when you know you need Him? Do I? Why not start now? Don't bother doing anything else first, get to the source "...those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings of eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint (Is. 40:31)."

Stop This Train

There are so many thoughts zipping around in my head and I can't sort through them in a well-enough fashion to write something even my messed up head can comprehend. But listening to John Mayer's lyics, I couldn't resist putting one of those blog posts up. These are the lyrics to Stop This Train. When I think of this song, I imagine someone ridding the teacups at Disneyland and spinning the wheel so it goes as fast as possible.

It's fun at first. Exhilarating.

But then the point comes where spinning on the teacups isn't fun anymore. And though there is no one to blame but yourself, you want someone to come in and swoop you up and get you off the ride. But the train can't stop right away. Other people are on the ride. But you don't want to think about them, you just want off and back home in whatever meaning that has to you.

Stop This Train- John Mayer

No I'm not color blind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind but...
I just can't sleep on this tonight
Stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly won't someone stop this train

Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train

See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

Vie

Vie used to be one of my favorite words. Which I find heavily ironic! To vie means to strive in competition or rivalry with another. I used to use it in all my poems and writings in Ms. Escalante's class.

My fictional characters would always go against some nemesis of sorts be it self or enemy and in a tight battle come on top victorious! I was always attracted to those types of books and movies as well. The unknown hero who comes out with the shot to win the game at the buzzer or the underprivileged man who beats all odds and influences others for good. Don't we like the hero stories? Someone defying the impossible, but not just for the story's sake, but to pretend we could one day do that if only given the chance.

In Acts 20:24, it is Paul's confession of "if only" that has always grasped my attention. I remember one of my softball coaches grabbing the uniform from my shoulder to look me square in the eyes to be sure I was heeding the advice he gave. That's how I feel about the if only. Pauls says, "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me- the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."

The thing about hero movies defying all odds, is we typically forget all the other stuff the character went through to be in the place they are in before vying for victory. When you practice, you get better at whatever you are practicing. When you practice spiritual disciplines and culminating your relationship with Christ, it becomes easier. When you practice sin, it becomes easier. When you practice being a person of noble character, it becomes easier. I love the story of Nelson Mandela because coming into power as South Africa's president, he was in a position to pay back all the things done to him. But he chose grace. Not as a whim, but because he devoted his life to finishing the race he started. He turned the other check and chose to walk away from rivalry in an effort to bond a nation together.

Wow, I wish I could do that more. Walk away from rivalry and see the kingdom of God displayed on Earth...if only we could learn to walk away from our sinful nature and turn towards God's face more and more; being transformed from one degree of glory to another.

Visionary

Sometimes I can get myself in trouble thinking way too much about the future instead of being able to focus on the task at hand. I can dream and think of numerous possibilities in which God may be leading in both my life and others. I've heard 2 talks in the past 2 days that mentioned the word "dreams." In light of this, it is hard sometimes for me to see how God will move into completion of the dreams I have. I've been thinking a lot the past few weeks about this verse in Acts and the implications it has.

Acts 5:38-39 says, "...Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God."

So when I am dreaming, I must remember to keep dream and ask God to take away the dreams that are not His desire for my life. I have dreams, I have things I would LOVE to see happen in my life, and yet I hold them with an open hand before my God and King anxiously awaiting to see what He will do with the little I can provide. I'm peeking out the door looking to see what He is going to do in the world!

The Stevely Head!

After seven hours of tough competition, Long Beach State brought home the Stevely Head and won NavOlympics with pride over Universities from all over Southern California! They took the men's basketball prize and ultimate frisbee spot, but in a tie against the University of California - Irvine, a victorious shoe kick by Sarah, Dan, and Steven brought the Stevely Head back to whence it came! As emotional as the Summer Olympics returning to Greece, for another year, all seems to be right in the world!

Socrates and Me

One of my best friends gave me a Socrates statue before because she said it reminded her of me. In her opinion, I think too much.

While that may be true, we are all made to be unique and different and there are some people I just can't figure out, so I'm left pondering. As soon as I think I have my finger on it, the target shifts and I'm left aiming in the wilderness. In the meantime, I'll just keep thinking some more and trying to figure it all out! How can I be a better friend? How can I best reflect Christ's image while keeping my needs and feelings sorted out and entrusted with others who I don't always feel love from in return?

I guess that's where the God sandwich comes into play as my friend Emily once put it. "We can always trust God, and then we can trust others...but even when they fail us, we can still trust God." I've tasted what trusting others is like and I desire that again, to feel safe, loved, and accepted fully for who I am. Oh to not worry and be caught up in trivial thoughts!

Smeared.

Though the arrogant have smeared me with lies,

I keep your precepts with all my heart.

Psalm 119:69

Have you ever thought about how disgusting it is for something to be smeared? I was at CVS with Rachel last month making the bookmarks for Women of the Word and there was a kodak picture screen that bothered me. There was a video on a loop of a kid with the messy remnants of a PB & J on his face. He stares out from the screen, and then proceeds to smear his nasty peanut butter and jelly filled cheek across the screen. It was gross. I didn't want to look anymore!
Why can't we view lies that way? It is the arrogant who smear with lies...humans and Satan and ourselves included! But for some reason, we accept the filth as something we deserve or a part of who we are. I want all of my heart to be able to keep his precepts. Ps. 73:26 says, "...God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." He is my portion! Set aside specifically for me! How cool is that! We don't receive leftovers, but all the goods! Selah.

Smeared messes can be hard to clean up alone! Thank God for community! Do you realize just how much we as humans and sinners NEED one another?!?

The Pause Button Seems to be broken...

I feel like life is rushing by my face so quickly I can't even enjoy the gentle breeze, but it tends to take my breathe away. In about 21 days I leave Long Beach to begin fundraising in Arizona and Texas and then head off 3 weeks later for a summer missions trip. What happened to the Spring?

In a Mexican film I watched recently, at the end of the hour and a half, the film had one of those flashbacks to go over different dialogues and images you may have forgotten in the two hour stint, and yet all it really does is leave you feeling robbed knowing the end is coming sooner than expected and robbed a good 5 minutes is spent going over the things you already moved on from. But there is an importance to looking back. My dad used to say we can view our lives as the car windshield. We need to look ahead and know where we are, but the rear-view mirror is in place so that we won't forget where we are coming from and so nothing can sneak up on us from behind. But we also cannot put all our our attention in that rear-view mirror. If we were supposed to, don't you think the car manufacturer would have made it proportionally larger? 21 days left on campus of the semester and 6 of them are spent away in Training and Development.

It's time for me to start looking back and remembering what God has brought me through this year, but the time to look ahead is upon as well...I need wisdom for the balancing act of these last few weeks! Can I just push pause a second and catch me breath? My head moves too quickly for me to write all my thoughts...

Bunches!

I love my roommate Alissa! Just yet another reason why God is so good in providing me with this job!

Thin, but Not Paper Thin.

Sometimes it's funny to me how I do things the way my parents do just because it's what I know! I was thinking about this today as I ordered my turkey lunch meat from Albertson's.

"How'd you like it sliced?" The women asked.

"Thin, but not paper thin, please." I replied.

This is how my Mom always ordered our lunch meat! I say it out of habit now!

I was thinking and reflecting a lot about family today. I decided a couple of weeks ago to try making the Pan Dulce Conchas...(a form of Mexican sweet bread.) When I was young, we used to call then 'pink bread' since we never could remember their real name! I think my Abuelita just accepted that. As I was picking up evaporated milk from the store, I called my Dad and he told me my great aunt had passed away. She was his youngest Tia on my Grandpa's side and I heard more about her than actually knew her due to an over 50 year grudge held on that side of the family. But still...another family member, holder of our family's story is now gone.


Alissa and I went to the movies tonight to go see Letters from God. It is a Christian film so it's a little cheesy, but wow...what a good film. We were the only ones in the theater and were glad so as it brought us to tears. I don't know the exact reason why Alissa's heart was outpouring that way, but I know why mine was...God is so good! God is so good and there are still families and people that get that and are coming to know truth despite what horrible situations they are in. People chose God over the world and over the lies and over death...not to make it all go away, but to come alongside in the midst. I'm so grateful for a family that can rejoice over pain because we have hope. We have hope to be entering a place where "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away (Rev. 21:4)."

God, you are sweeter than pan dulce! Sweeter than sweet bread. You ARE the sweet bread! Selah.

broken harp

A dear friend of mine asked me the other day if I ever thought David threw his harp (out of frustration.) I laughed at first, and then I wondered, David was called a 'man after God's own heart' and yet he so openly laid his heart out before God with everything frustrating him in it. Psalm 119:116 says, "Sustain me according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed."

Do not let my hopes be dashed! As I think about this past week overflowing with so many challenges and moves my friends are in, I ask LORD that you not let their hopes be dashed! Show your faithfulness that I know is there and comfort them in these times of hardship and singleness and transition. Sustain life and let us all live life to the full with a hope fulfilled! Oh LORD, hear my plea on behalf of my sisters. Be dash-less to them!

Streams in the Desert

I was laughing to myself driving into the Arizona desert...when did the desert become a place of rest and refreshment for me?
Oh the irony!
So many times in the Bible we see the desert as a place of temptation or preparation for some other big thing God has in store for the lives of the individual. That's exactly what God used the desert for in my life! It was a time to cling close to God and battle core lies in order that God could better prepare me for where He is leading my life.

Isaiah 58:11 "The LORD will guide you always;

he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail."

It was fun to be able to celebrate our Father, Savior, and Counselor together with dear brothers and sisters back in Arizona for the weekend. But we don't get to stay in the desert...time to find a new home and get back to work! Blessed be the name of the Lord!

webs

Job 8:14-15 "What he trusts in is fragile; what he relies on is a spider's web. He leans on his web, but it gives way; he clings to it, but it does not hold."
When you see a spider's web, it is a neat thing to see how strong the spider has crafted its creation to support itself, but even if you could find a web large enough, someone would never be able to lie in one like a hammock for a nap or touch it without breaking...it is not meant to support our weight! What may seem so beautiful to the eye holds nothing we truly need it to. If you saw someone leaning on a web expecting it to support themselves you'd think they were crazy! Thus, God himself sees us looking for things that can never support us and shakes his head. Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest (mt. 11:28)." Why are you going to all those things that are not meant to support you or your burdens? Why are you ignoring me? The one true God who would delight if you would trust me and come to me with who you are?

I got to see an old friend this past weekend. Though only for a few hours, it truly was a sweet time. She has been caught up in a web the past seven years, I've only known her eight. So most of our friendship, I've seen this one picture of her, but this past weekend, I got to see a completely new image radiating from her!

Praise God for the transforming power He has done and let me witness in this dear friend and sister!

Chim chim cher-ee...proclaiming from the rooftops!

Matt. 10:26-27

"So do not be afraid of them. There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs.

As I think about this next month i am really excited to see what all God has in store. In the ministry at Long Beach State, the ladies will be focusing on what it means to be Women of the Word. I was talking with one of my best friends earlier on during the week about how God is allowing her to share her story from this past year. Why I love this passage of scripture has to deal with a few ideas.

1. God speaks when we are in the dark and hard places in life. When you feel alone and can't see where everything is heading, God is there waiting to whisper in our ear if we silence our fear and worry long enough to listen.

2. What is told to us in those seasons, we are able to re-tell or share with others in the daylight. When we look back, we realize so much more of what God was doing during the hard times!

3. Proclaim it from the roofs! God wants to use our stories to help others and praise Him for who He is! 2. Cor. 1:3-5 says, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."

Just a sweet thought I've been meditating on today. I hope you are taking time to hear the whispers and shout from the rooftops with joy!

quoteable quote

If you look at scripture, you understand that every time God calls somebody to do something, He is calling them to do something that he or she desperately needs God's power and ability to be able to pull off. He is going to call us to do stuff that He is involved in, His power is a part of that, He must be needed...His sovereignty must be there. -Pastor Frank

On Tuesday I wrote this down from a podcast I heard on Monday. Today, (yesterday now technically) this could not have been more true in my life! Praise God it is not my work, but His!

Maniac Magee to Pete

I went outside on a short run. It only took a few minutes for me to realize the sound of my feet slapping the wet cement was an easy distraction from what was in my head. It wasn't much longer until the sound of my breathe overwhelmed all other noise. So I stopped. My vans were blocking the rain from hitting the ground while I watched the cement being painted with dots all around my feet. I wanted to run, but I was mesmerized. I felt cold from the rain by now and could not tell which were drops and which were tears on my face.
I've secretly always desired Elliot the dragon (from Pete's Dragon) to be my friend and come up to me in those moments to wipe away my tears and tell me it's all going to be ok without any understandable words. But maybe that's just how I envision God coming alongside Job and in moments of my weakness and frustration I want to experience God coming alongside me and comfort me in that way.Maybe it's because though I am anything but, I feel slightly orphaned or unsettled in Long Beach and can't seem to shake feeling that way no matter how I've tried this semester.

Help!

This is Long Beach's conference video for the Sunland regional TRUTH conference last weekend. It was so much fun to be behind the camera again!!!

I love the Olympics...

Joannie Rochette of Canada suffered the loss of her mother this past Sunday. I cried as she took the ice tonight giving a bronze medal performance. For once in my life, I'm glad the US did not medal so that she could. Talk about heart pull!

Let My People Go!

I sometimes wonder how Moses was feeling when God told him that he was sending him to Pharaoh so that the Isralites would be freed and then said in order to do so, "I will harden his heart so that he will not let his people go (Ex. 4:21)."

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Oh LORD Who am I to see you in this way! I am not worthy to be here barefoot on this ground. Oh YHWH, thank you that you have heard the cry of our people! The Egyptians are causing us to suffer. You want me to tell Pharoah for you?!? They will just laugh at me, how will they believe it is you who has sent me?

What? What's in my hand, it's a staff. Whoa, a snake! I wasn't expecting that. Do what now? Put my hand in my cloak? Ahh, I'm a lepor! Now I'm going to have to leave the community! How can I see Pharoah now? Oh LORD I am sorry to have doubted you. I've never been good at speaking and now you are sending me to the ruler of the whole country! Yes, I know you will help my speech, but wouldn't anyone else be better than I? Aaron's already headed over. Ok. I won't forget the staff.

Wait, God. You just told me you are sending me to Pharaoh to ask for your people to be freed and now you are telling me Pharaoh is going to have a hardened heart?!? Look, I didn't ask for this! Now they are not even letting them use straw for making bricks and yet still require the same quota per day! See I've messed up your plan, why are they still captive?

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Moses did not understand why God had told him his people would be free and then they were not free right away. It took ten plagues for Pharoah to let the Isralites go. When I think of friends or people in my life held captive by the world, I can't help but plead with God reminding Him these are His people who he has allowed to be free by He, Himself coming to Earth to be broken. He has promised to finish the work He began and yet I don't see it anywhere near finished and the clock is ticking! Oh I wonder how God shakes His head at me when I am anxious or impatient at His transformation in other's lives.

Ecclesiastes 3:11, "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

Such true words to be recorded.

I want to go to there

I can empathize with the Israelites.

I find myself at times (particularly when my screen saver scrolls through photos from last year) where I find myself wishing for the past. Wishing to be back at Point Loma for Spring Break sleeping on the floor of a physio classroom building fences and strolling around old town San Diego. I was to carve my name into a tree with SS and look at photographs in a museum while having to remember to put my shoes back on before going into the building.

I don't think about the tears cried with Lauren over where God was calling us after we graduate from ASU. I don't remember the pain of a friend over a relationship. I push away remembering the hurt from close friends in my own life. I don't recall being broke and living paycheck to paycheck.

We choose to remember the good. We want to go back to safety becasue we know how it ends up...with the present. We know we make it out alive and so we can remember the good from a situation and not worry about the things that once kept us up all night.

I want to believe no matter what stage I am at in life, that the best days are ahead.