25 May 2012

Homelessness

Jesus says in Matt. 8:20 that, "the son of man has no place to rest his head.". When I first moved out to Long Beach, all these verses about the Levites not having their own land, but living off the land of others, no place to rest your head, and leaving everything behind we're bombarding me. I felt lonely far off in an unfamiliar land called "California.". I had a place to live with a widow and my new Edge teammate. I had my car, my parents were still in my childhood home for a few more months, but I felt so lonely. Have you ever felt homeless? Have you felt such a deep intense longing for familiarity and belonging to latch around you? I remember driving around lost and stopping the car not even knowing which way to turn despite receiving a GPS for graduation a few months before. Nothing would fill the void I felt. I hung art on my walls immediately, but it still didn't feel like home. I was in a stranger's home, trapped by myself. Yesterday morning I left my Long Beach home. God gave me a home, He gave it to me in Him. After seeing Him as my portion, I could find my home. My home has been in Long Beach, a place I had a hard time believing could transform into that in 2009. I clutched the metal house key in my hand for a moment. The hint of cold metal faded into my hand. I passed it to Lauren, and then the tears came. But you see, I can't hold God's hand until I open my own. I am homeless on the Earth at the moment. Even my parents house key is back in Texas. I have one backpack, purse, and suitcase with me. My furniture is sold, my last rent check at Park Place is written, but it feels different this time. I'm not homeless with Christ. In my quiet time yesterday, I'm in Acts as I read straight through the Bible. I thought about moving past it having just spent the semester studying the book I the R.I.O.T. Study, but in my indecision, I just started reading anyway. Verse 10 says, "they were looking intently up into the sky as he was going...". Our pastor, Darin, went through this a few months ago ad spoke of how the disciples were shellshocked. Jesus told them he was leaving so the Holy Spirit could come, and yet, here they are...staring up into the sky, wanting Him to just come back again. So often, I find myself staring at the sky, not wanting to fully move on just yet. I'm not in a place of despair. I'm in a place of waiting on the Lord as He is my portion. (Lam 3:34 says, "the Lord is my portion; therefore, I will wait for Him.") So here we go, off on this next adventure. I'm not gonna lie, I'm kinda scared and intimidated, but with His hand in mine, I'm two-stepping forward. :)

1 comment:

rre said...

Praying...