28 December 2007

27 December 2007

52-34 suffication

We just couldn't handle them.

Next year.

24 December 2007

Feliz Navidad!

Merry Christmas one and all! And congrats once again to Ryan and Val! glad i could be part of the grand occasion!

20 December 2007

world traveler

Let's see, we were off to the Grand Canyon, climbed over the ledge. Then we dropped by the four corners and crossed into Colorado. Blew a tire in a small town, and still made it to the Glyn Eyrie castle in Colorado to talk to other Navigator student about the possibility of EDGE and what God is doing in our lives. What a busy three days!

12 December 2007

What if Patrick Henry's famous words were really, "Live Free or Die Hard?"

The lights hang on the Christmas tree as it is flooded with candy canes, ornaments and polaroids of friends. We had our roommate Christmas on Sunday. It was a good time to just chill and spend time with each other. When did I become old enough to celebrate Christmas outside of Texas and my parent's home?

A lot of change is coming in this next semester. It's like the clouds in the Arizona sky. You know a storn is coming, but you can't tell if it is a gentle rain or monsoon on its way. I'm excited for it I suppose, yet like numerous other human beings i'm not always fond of change. I've got into a routine of things. I'd like to know if i'll be in seminary after college or even in the country.
I guess the reason i don't know is solely that I want to know and don't need to know. I never was fond of that phrase..."it's on a need to know basis." But that's how God works. He knows, we don't yet. deal with it.

But Christmas with the roommates was good. There was Christmas noodles and exchanging of gifts followed by Mexican train. couldn't ask for much better than that.

04 December 2007

t-shirt idea

so one of my friends from high school is involved in this company and i pretty much think this is an amazing t-shirt!

02 December 2007

So I Still Have Yet to Unpack from Thanksgiving

I have been so busy these past few weeks. This weekend I have been working loooong hours with the Rockettes. There are worse gigs out there i suppose, but now my feet ache as i prepare for bed. I have one final down and four to go! *whew* I haven't had the chance to catch my breath since Thanksgiving.

But as for work this past week, I was lucky enough to get to sit in on the Christmas Spectacular show a few times. It is amazing. I love watching theater. Someday I'd like to take my mom to New York to see the show. I think it is so amazing and how these people have the energy to keep going as they do is crazy to me. I think it is so cool how they briefly tell Christ's story at the end though. It gives me a reminder ever 2 hours and 50 minuates why I live how I do. Dance on Rockettes...dance on.

19 November 2007


tonight i ate a serving of pixy stix. In case you don't ave a bag by to look at...that is 7 pixy stix. and i wonder why my paper isn't done..hmmmm.

13 November 2007

when being tired feels good

So I just returned from my 5th trip with Amor Ministries yesterday evening! I still remember Craig years ago constantly counting down immediately after finishing a trip until the next one out of his excitement! This trip was not with CBC as I grew accustomed to, but instead my new family of the ASU Navigators. We went on our annual road rally with brothers and sisters from the U of A, our rival school. It was such an amazing trip. God is constantly reminding me of his goodness and providence. After a last minute issue and us needing 3,000 more than originally planned for, God paid the bill. We had an amazing team working on a double house including two of our foreman below! (Drew left and Brian right)The house went fairly smoothly. It was funny to hear the Amor staff talk about "Army tent palace Crossroads" when they heard of the church I traveled to the Juarez location with. Erica and Jose Luis cooked a meal for our entire 60-man crew one day and I got to talk with my Bible study girls among others that i truly cherish. There is only one week left until the much needed break Thanksgiving provides, and i can't wait!

02 November 2007

just call me jack

With halloween just out of the picture an illustration came to mind as my dad was talking to me on the phone earlier. he was talking about Chuck Swindoll's radio piece for the day and how God's grace presides over our trials. But there was one thing in particular he said. He said sometimes God has to carve out of us what he wants and uses those he breaks down the most later on.

It was this concept of carving that struck a thought. Carving isn't bad. You have a pumpkin and want to make it a jack-o-lantern...so you cut off the top (or bottom in some cases) and begin to carve out the seeds. You can use the seeds for other things later on, such as, baking them to eat and nourish one's body. And then once all of the seeds are out and you think you are done, there is the excess pumpkin inyards that still have to be removed. So you take the large metal spoona nd scrape the side of the walls, sometimes accidentally taking more of the wall than the goop, and keep going until it is all cleaned out.

(this is our house's pumpkin: Dierks Groban)

I feel like this is the process God is putting me through right now. I've been blindsighted by a few things these past two weeks from my best friend moving to health to not getting into the photo program after the head of the program told me i should be fine.

One thing after another. Seeds removed and then the walls scraped. I don't know what God is trying to teach me, but i'd be happy if he sped up the process a bit! haha.

The cool thing is...once all of the gunk is removed, the masterpiece begins and you carve out a new face to the pumpkin. Letting go of its old identity, the pumpkin has a new face.

On a good note i got an "A" on my Hebrew Bible essay!


17 October 2007

sparing meat

I feel like we can learn a lot from Rocky.
In the face of adversity:: he persevered.
With school lately I feel like I'm entered in a marathon leading in circles. I get lapped at times, but there is always the one kid with a cast and asthma behind me giving me the confidence to continue on. College is rough...but it is also four years of my life! this block of time is filled with questions after. What to do and be...I have no idea. I am 54 school weeks away from recieving a degree. That's insane!

*cracks open a few eggs and chugs them from a glass. Puts on biking gloves and beanie to go for a jog. Stops by the meat locker to punch a few cows and heads home to do the same the next day in preparation for the big duel. *


My head is full of thoughts...
My tummy is full of popcicles...
My fingernails are full of left over clay from my ceramics class...

I feel like redesigning the site.

09 October 2007

Amsterdam's buyout offer bothers brothels

you gotta give a thumbs up to the mayor for trying. the people's reaction saddens me. http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2007-10-07-redlight_N.htm

02 October 2007


Sooo....you know how you go to bed around 1 and then at 3:30 you give up going to sleep and update your blog? tonight is that night for me.

This is a very common site in our house (Casablanca). Vegas and Katy on the bed chilling as Katy plays maj jong.
A few nights ago we were all actually home and decided to take a family picture. We have one where we are all looking, but i felt like this more accurately displays our house at any given time. I love my roommates!
I bought a waffle maker finally! This is Wally. He is very happy here.

This was my first batch of waffles from Wally. Look pretty good if i say so myself (which i am). I even made the batter from scratch!

Tonight began the weeklong tradition of Katy's birthday celebration! My bible study came over plus the roommates to have dinner and dessert.

This is Katy's cake. Look closely...it's her face in the sprinkles!
And finally, here is Becca and me. I had a friend from Texas illustrate my idea for the Nav shirts and this is how they came out! I like them!

20 September 2007

things that made me smile today

  • i was pretty sure my bike tire was going to die on the way to school but it made it there and back.
  • the weather today was 95 and beautiful. It was more of a pleasant bike ride.
  • continuing with the weather, i had a test and finished fast so i was able to read my TanaKh (Hebrew old testament) with some Einstein's breakfast
  • at breakfast, i saw Heather, Carol, Tim, Leila, and Steve
  • i slipped and fell on my bottom in the middle of the between class rush. no one even noticed!
  • class got out 30 min. early
  • my photo professor actually likes my thesis photos!
  • vegas attacked the UPS guy...a few weeks ago she attacked the mail-lady too! i'm beginning to think we need one of those 'beware of dog' signs. the mid-20-yr-old screamed and threw the package only to come in a minuate later laughing at himself as vegas continued to lick his calves.
  • Vegas ran down the stairs but forgot to turn and rammed her face right into the wall. i felt bad, but that's pretty funny!

10 September 2007

stream of consciousness

i know i haven't blogged in a while and it's not becasue i haven't wanted to but merely that i don't know how to verbalize life lately. My memory is starting to fade me. I don't remember things that went on in my life by the end of the day anymore!

All i know is my photo thesis to officially graduate as a photo major is due on the first.

I stink at ceramics. I come home two days a week covered in red clay.

I am a security guard but i may be looking for a new more consistant job.

my family went to Italy last week while i was stuck in class.

I turned 21 on labor day...it doesn't feel much different.

I miss Holland.

I am so excited to go back to philly and NYC.

max brenner.

the Bible study i'm leading started tonight and i am really glad about the girls that are in it

work schedualed me on friday when the navs meet...grrrr

i love Katy's dog Vegas. taught her a new trick today too.

there is nothing like a texas sunset at lake grapevine.

i miss lakes.

I think it is awesome my homework for my OT class is reading genesis and exodus!

i stink at painting.

i rant a lot.

i'm hoping the diamondbacks make playoffs.

i need to finish my reading for class.


22 August 2007


I painted for our kitchen today.

15 August 2007

Rolly, Patch, Lucky, Pongo...

Tonight there is a monsoon in Arizona. And all i can seem to think about lying in my bed listening to the thunder is 101 Dalmatians. My sister Diana and I used to sneak out of our rooms whether we were sick or just couldn't sleep and always put on this same Disney film. We have fallen asleep on the old cracked green leather sofa more times than i could count waking up to a blue tv screen the next morning. I wish my sister were here to stay up for no apparent reason together. Out here is Arizona I find i miss my family more as time goes on. I think i just miss that aspect of still being a kid and not having rent or gasoline or food expenses. It's like when Christ takes us off the milk for solid food. Sometimes we want to go back to when we had it much easier, yet we all know we must move on. But still...we have some time to be a little ridiculous yet.

Happy Birthday Mom!

01 August 2007

Ok Tim McGraw...bring it!

Tim McGraw - Live Like You Were Dying

Verse 1
He said I was in my early forties, with a lot of life before me, when a moment came that stop me on a dime. I spent most of the next days, looking at the x-rays. Talking bout' the options and talking bout' sweet time. I asked him when it sank in, that this might really be the real end, how's hit ya' when you get that kind of news?
Man whad ya do?
And he said

I went skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull name Fu Man Chew
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'
And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin

Verse 2
He said I was finally the husband, but most the time I wasn't. And I became a friend; the friend would like to have. And all a sudden goin' fishin wasn't such an imposition, and I went three times that year I lost my dad. Well I finally read the good book, and took a good long hard look at what i would do if I could do it all again.
And then

I went skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull name Fu Man Chew
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'
And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin

Like tomorrow was a gift, and ya got eternity to think about what to do with it, what could you do with it, what did I do with it, what would I do with it?

I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chew
And man I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I watched an eagle as it was flyin
And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin

To live like you were dyin (4x)

31 July 2007


I got written up in a positive way in our last security newsletter. Read right in the middle there is a paragraph with my name. It is right beofre the how to drive in Arizona tips which are truly funny..probably even moreso if you are from the area.

28 July 2007

stuck between a rock and a hard place--anyone else see the new simpson's movie?

Tonight was just crazy at work. http://www.azcentral.com/arizonarepublic/local/articles/0727shot0727.html this is what happened. I was at the gate this occured and the entire venue went on lockdown. Patrons at the Rush concert only knew there was an accisendt in the area. Pray for the officer's family. Needless to say, I worked 4 extra hours as car searches were taking place and am so ready to sleep.

17 July 2007

Proof again that God is Soverign and good

I guess this starts about 2.5 months ago when my roommate Katy decided to get a dog.

We got Vegas. She is a beautiful half-boxer/ half-pitbull ish. Katy got her a pink collar and tag and spent a while at the condo before going off to Namibia to serve and glorify God. Last week another one of my roommates, Val, took Vegas for a walk but her tag popped off as the leesh was put on wrong. So two days ago i go tto buy a new collar, put our address and Katy's number on it. i've been working full days. 7am-3pm at a warehouse and then 6pm-midnight at my security job. So tonight i get home and the gate is wide open. I open the sliding door to see a note from my other roomie, Becca, stating Vegas had run away. I rode out on my bike calling. All the time i was going over in my head an old sermon i heard about how wonderful it is to be lost. When we are lost it means someone cares and is looking for us as opposed to trash where it remains and is unwanted. So i decided to keep searching. I asked a few people and then i foolishly remembered i hadn't prayed yet.

So i prayed.

God answered.

I rode to a place i personally have never walked Vegas and there is a gas station. Granted it is late at night and i get spooked easily i didn't want to walk up to this truck originally. But the window was rolled down and he seemed ok. As i was asking if he saw Vegas her head popped out of the window of the quad cab truck! It was her. Her collar and tag were gone but Vegas was there nonetheless. I offered to buy him something from the gas station but he declined. I took the long walk home, Vegas in one hand and my bike in the other. It turns out they found her running back and forth like frogger in the traffic!

God is good,
All the time.
All the time,
God is good. Selah.

14 July 2007

Mr. Fix-it

We hate mystery. We're enamored with knowledge. We have incredible educational institutions, all getting a certain kind of knowledge that has to do with information and function. There is very little relational stuff goin on in there. If there's a problem, our first response is to find out what's wrong and find the technology to fix it. If we can't do that, we've failed. But most of life is a mystery.

Eugene Peterson

11 July 2007

09 July 2007

It's called faith for a reason...

When i visited the White House we went to a small souvenir shop. It was a quaint place and in it i found jackpot. $1 mini posters of presidential portraits. So i bought a portrait of JFK as i respect the man a great deal. In it, his look is so pensive. He is alone with his thoughts as arms are laid across his chest and no one is around to distract him. I've been in that mood a bit tonight. Going over in my mind how amazing God is and various what-ifs for my future. But tonight was a little more of a rear view mirror night. See the beauty of a car is balance...you have a huge windshield in front of you so you know where you are headed but at the same time there is a rear view mirror to remember where you've been and help you succeed in the future. The mirror isn't meant to be dwelt on as it isn't the size of the windshield..but it is there nonetheless. So tonight I'm just thinking some.

08 July 2007

That's the way..uh huh uh huh..i like it...

I have never seen a larger zoo.
I worked roaming security for a casino the other night and i escorted out many 50+ who were intoxicated. It was insane. You had this older generation drinking and dancing the night away as if they were 14 again. The show was at a casino and the bands happened to be Kool and the Gang accompanied by KC and the Sunshine Band. KC wrote hit songs like That's the Way I Like It and Get Down Tonight. It was just a humerous scene all around. I got to be KC's personal escort at the end of the night as he headed out to sign autographs. He started out the night saying, "to all you younger folk who's parent's brought you here...you may not know who I am, but I am KC...the Justin Timberlake of the 70s." As I walked him to his limo he asked a question about the layout of the venue...I answered. So here's to my new friend KC and the funk generation that adores him.

05 July 2007

yet another reason my town rocks....

Fireworks. Fireworks over the lake tuned to the Starwars theme song. Does life get any better? Oh yes it does....i believe i have my scholarship back! Praise God!

26 June 2007

to my family members reading:

I have some friends who are going through a hard time tonight and probably for a while. After nine anxious months, God's soverignty took home their baby girl earlier than anyone imagined. Pray for perspective and their mourning process. Pray for this family please.

25 June 2007

Acts of Random Kindness

"Do you think if you pray for patience God just gives you patience..or instead gives you the opportunity to be patient." -Evan Almighty

The quote may be slightly off...but God, i'm beginning to get it. I just didn't know it would require over a year of this test. It's funny how life doesn't run in semesters. Some lessons takes years or even lifetimes to learn. I think I'm just beginning to learn that.

23 June 2007

don't leave your post

tonight was my first night at my new security job. Fall Out Boy was playing. It's 2am. I come home and the house is empty. Vegas has been acting goofy all day. Late last night I dropped Katy off at the airport for her long trip to Africa. Becca is staying at a friend's place. I have to admit..it's a little nice to have the condo to myself but i find myself lonely at the same time. Is it time for school to start back up yet?

18 June 2007

Grilled survey

Today I was paid $75 to sit in a room with 9 other girls and watch movie trailers and then discuss which one we liked the best. Did i mention it only took an hour? Some college surveys are just the way to get things done! Took the earnings out to by some buns and grilled up some amazing burgers. I love being Texan at heart.

12 June 2007

The bypass pin has been removed, you are clear to depart. Have a safe flight and great day. *salute*

These past few weeks have been intense in training. If you are one minuate late. You are out of the program and eligible for rehire in 6 months. I get up at 4:30 everyday. I am not a morning person. Today was our first full ramp day. Meaning no in-class lectures, videos, or safety stratigies. Hands-on. I marshalled in my first plane today. Loaded. unloaded. Got soaked with potable water after Ron swore it was only half-full despite the gage reading full. We all go through the same training before dividing up into our stations. I'll probably be just a connex runner soon where i get to drive around my tug all-day! It's exciting stuff to be face to face with a Boeing 757. But i'm tired. I'm not sleeping enough. I miss being a kid and having time and energy to spend with friends. Whatever happened to my plans of reading numerous books this summer?!?

03 June 2007

heaven for a misplaced Texan...

Oh yes! Texas made ice cream and Dr. Pepper combined to make absolute joy in a chilled glass! I just don't think there is a better 10 minutes to my day!
--sidenote: 11 hours till Day 1 of new job!

01 June 2007

hey beautiful
who took your smile today

hey beautiful
who took the stars from your eyes

God's in control and you're not alone tonight
you have everything to give
you don't need a spotlight
to shine tonight

hey beautiful
who took your dream away
hey beautiful
why are there clouds in your sky

23 May 2007

not in kansas anymore

It has to be said...congrats sister! Rockchawk, Jayhawk!

18 May 2007

And so the Adventure Has Begun!

In two weeks, I will have spent my time in 9 states!

It all started in Arizona as we finished moving into our condo last week.

All went smoothly as the Nav boys helped out a lot from setting up our Internet to carry ridiculous furniture up the

stairs. I think the dog (Vegas) really likes the new place as well. This is a photo of Katy letting her up on the couch even though we said she shouldn't! Katy is trying to hide but you can still tell it's her!

From there I was off to Philly. Mattias and Maggie's wedding is this evening but i came early to spend some time with friends and relax since the Diamondbacks were out of town so I had no work anyway. I spent a day walking around on my own and working on my photo thesis for ASU. Then I hung out with Mark and Wendy one day only to go to Washington D.C. the next! Finally yesterday Ariel, Guido and I finally had some time to hang out and spend time talking and enjoying each other's company. He injured his neck earlier on in the week so i made him stand by this sign at Jim's, the cheesesteak place we went to, it's so good to see old friends again. Today's the big wedding. Should be fun as even more Dutch and friends will be there!

04 May 2007

One of THOSE days...

Brent's got a point...those of us in college drop off the blogging world as soon as finals come. I get in blogging slumps..a few days where nothing happens for me to share. Then i feel like there is at least one week a month. One week of intensiveness where I must go straight to bed and then even more intense things stir up the next day. These past few days have been that craziness to me and I am going to attempt to make sense of it for you readers!

First of all, Cassie, Katy and I did not get on the Price is Right but we will be on TV May 18th. Back-right side of the studio and Katy has an amazing cameo behind one of the contestants mothers. We 'slept' on the streets of L.A. There were old ladies from everywhere! We made lots of friends (lots of Texans were there as well!) and played Uno with the guys behind us in line. Then came 6am. We received our vouchers securing a spot in the studio and we were off to head back to the car and relax before we had to return.

There were still over 8 hours more of waiting at that point but finally going into the studio was all worth it! It was a lot taller than TV camera angles had tricked me to believe. There were only 300 audience members but it was SO shiny! On TV, the green and such look a little dull, but 70s sparkle sang from the entire studio! we met all but one of the contestants while waiting and Charles is by far the coolest that made it on stage. At the commercial breaks. Bob Barker answered audience questions. He loved saying his quote from Happy Gilmore and we decided to tell him we weren't studying for finals but came to his show instead. He told us to not blame him when we are on welfare! HAHA. So began the long trip home after some Chipotle.

So that brings us to yesterday. I woke up fairly early because I had a lot to do. I paid my student bills, dropped off my paper, returned library books...and then I saw the US Airways booth by the Union. I had applied at US Air before to be a ticket agent so I thought i'd check it out. I start talking to this guy named Michael who explained the job i applied for stunk and he started telling me about where he worked at the fleet. SO he told me to go back to the dorms and print off my resume. I did and returned. We talked for a while and then he asked, "So, do you want the job? Oh, by the way.,..that was your interview!" Ummm..oh my! YES. I am now a member of the US Air fleet at Sky Harbor airport! I went through 2 hours of processing this morning and ordered my uniform and got my badge! My training starts June 4th. But man, how amazing is God! Best job ever! i get domestic flights for $15 and international for $40 one way. Hello Holland? Australia finally? Egypt? I'm so pumped!

So after finding out i got the job, more exciting things came as we had the Nav boys over to the dorms to start moving in to our Condo. It is called 'Casa Blanca' due to the 3 Mexicans and 3 nursing majors living there. We set up our rooms, hauled in items, ordered pizza and watched some Office and Prison Break. What an amazing day. You know those days where you just feel like and know you've accomplished a lot? Yeah, yesterday was one of those.

01 May 2007


Sooo..i'll be in L.A. for the evening. And seeing the Price is Right in the Morning! Best Reading DAy ever!

28 April 2007

The final leg

Today has been one of the longest days in a while. I found out around midnight last night that i was 3 points shy of a B+ on my test giving me a B- overall in my class. Normally this is no biggie, but last night and all of today I have felt defeated in a sense. You see, what those three points mean to me is the final answer in a roller coaster I have been playing all year.

There is no guarantee of a scholarship at ASU next year.

I have to appeal yet again. Granted, much has happened and it is possible (especially with God) to recieve the scholarship another year. So last night I couldn't sleep. I stopped writting my paper at 1am to try and rest yet I was awake until 4. After spending hours working on a 3d project and more hours at work running up and down stairs trying to keep my mind off the workload in the dorm rooms...well, i am mentally and physically exhausted. I'm sorry if I seem distant or down. The reason is because I am.

8 more days.

i can hear the whistling wind down the hall!

It's official...

monsoon season is here! I'm off to work! i hope the bus doesn't tip!

27 April 2007

it is now 4:38am. I have been working on the Nav video for 6 hours today bot including the work from the past week. I am now two papers, one huge art project and two finals away from being done with my sophomore year in college. I think it's time for bed.

10 April 2007

Things I Love from the past week...

  • Last Sat. --randomly going to the Renaissance Faire for the heck of it!
  • Playing softball on an intramural team and hitting an amazing pitch out to deep center to have my years old cleat break as i rounded second! (the bottom fell off!)
  • MCing with my Mexican brother
  • Walking into a gun club to get shells for an art project and not having the guy blink an eye.
  • Spending 2 1/2 hours then drilling over 100 bullets
  • Watching the Office three times and laughing just as hard each time
  • The Casa Blanca ladies signing our lease to the condo!
  • Trying Skyline Chili and getting a taste of Cincinnati
  • going to the sunrise service at a different church and having the worship wake me up!
  • Donuts after the service with friends
  • Spending time just chilling with one of my favorite people and falling asleep during "Little Miss Sunshine" because we were so tired!
  • Teaching people about missions in SGIM MILK
  • CiCi's opening up in Mesa
  • Finding out my grandmother bought an ab lounge!
  • working at Chase field and making more tips than any other candy vendor! (partially because i sometimes yell, "Red Vines...M&Ms...pay off my tuition! (people think it's funny!))
  • getting a text from my friend informing me she was in the back of a police car!
  • eating sour patch kids
  • Max Brenner?
  • Eating fresh grapefruit in my room the way my mom and I used to.

What are you loving from this past week?

04 April 2007


"Slugs! He created slugs. They can't hear! They can't speak! They can't operate machinery! I mean, are we not in the hands of a lunatic? If I were creating a world, I wouldn't mess about with butterflies and daffodils. I would have started with lasers, eight o'clock, day one!"


just really felt like a good day to know I am a child of God.

02 April 2007

Finding my Neverland

J.M. Barrie: [gives him a journal] Here you go.
Peter Llewelyn Davies: What's this?
J.M. Barrie: All great writers begin with a good leather binding and a respectable title. Open it.
Peter Llewelyn Davies: [reads] "The Boy Castaways: Being a record of the terrible adventures of the brothers Davies, faithfully set forth by Peter Llewelyn Davies."
J.M. Barrie: Kipling would swallow his own ear for a title like that!
Peter Llewelyn Davies: I still have no idea what to write.
J.M. Barrie: Write about anything. Write about your family, write about the talking whale!
Peter Llewelyn Davies: What whale?
J.M. Barrie: The one that's trapped in your imagination and desperate to get out.

I love the movie Finding Neverland. I haven't watched it in a long time but it was on my mind today. It is one of four movies that makes my cry every time i watch it. (the other three are field of dreams, men of honor, and hardball. We are Marshall will probably be added to the list as soon as it comes out to DVD) But i was thinking about how it makes me cry every time i watch it and compared it to this whole scholarship situation. Almost every time i dwell and have time to process i just start crying! Today I forgot to turn in an element of my Comp. Literacy homework. I realized right as class ended and when i got back to the dorms I just lost it.
I'm dreaming big.
I'm clinging to the promise that God will grant the desires of my heart. I don't know how it could possibly come to be, but I'm asking and willing to receive. I used to think God would tell me I was asking for something too big if I prayed for something i really desired, like "God, I need $8,000 for Holland and it's getting close" or "God, I really want to make all "A's" this semester," but He wants to listen to my prayers and give me what is best, even if it doesn't necessarily line up with my wants. God is above time and doesn't always give us what we need right up until we need it.
I used to be like Cameron Diaz in The Holiday. I could never cry. These days that tends to be the opposite these days. But it is not the tears of failure...or of mourning that stream from my eyes. They are the tears of waiting. Tears of the unknown. Tears of fear from maybe having to leave behind great friends once again. I've done that so much in life I wish it were a smaller world after-all. I wish Kayla and Kristy lived in the same world as Jean and Guido, Delaja, Alexa, and Ariel. Then I wish that world would transform next door to the world of Sarah, Katy, Emily, Mish, my roomies, and the troopers which would magically be in the same duplex as my family. Long distance is hard. Sometimes i feel like i am trapped between four worlds not including suburbs. Kinda looking forward to that mansion in de hemmel one day.
Don't get me wrong..life is good. A little hard at times, but for now I'm ok with being a little emotional. After-all...the tears eventually stop right.

30 March 2007

candy..popcorn...peanuts..get your candy here!

So i got a new job for the summer today! I am working at Chase Field where the AZ Diamondbacks play as a vendor! My first day is for a pre-season game Sat. afternoon and then I get to work opening day! I've always wanted to be a vendor! Imagine...money for working...and getting to go to unlimited baseball games for free! I am so excited! My friends mock me about my excitement though!

Speaking about baseball, i also played my first game on an intramural league here on campus. It was fun although we did end up getting run-ruled! my average is currently a .500. not too shabby! One field error though. i think i'm probably the only one who actually cares about that though! I have an enormous list of things to do for tomorrow so i think i am off to bed!

Gods zegen voor ons.

27 March 2007

26 March 2007

Won't you be my neighbor?

It's Official!!! We are having the best neighbors ever this summer (well..while they aren't off serving God in different countries!) going into next year! I love how God answers prayers! Now if he will just release the answer to the whole confirming he wants me here next year!
BIG test in Geology at 9am. This is a big one please pray!

25 March 2007

whatever happened to wishing upon a star and dreams coming true?


My life consists of a lot of ifs right now. If i make this grade I'll be ok or if i can drop this class and maintain three A+ grades where one class is not on the +/- system i can make it. Or if all else fails if i get the art scholarship i'll have in-state tuitian for next year. If I spend my time filling out scholarships I can for sure stay at ASU next year.

I feel like a broken record lately. The situation I am in is on my mind constantly. This past week I actually succeeded in stressing myself out to the point of illness. Exactly one year ago, a dear friend of mine said, "God answers prayers like there is nothing hard about it." I agree with that. But it is still hard for me when the answer is wait. In the Bible it says to be anxious about nothing. Seriously? nothing?!? that's hard.

There is so much I want to be able to take into my own hands and control yet I realize I am not able to handle anything right now...especially on my own. This Tuesday is a major test for me. It is my hardest subject and also one of the key classes in determining where I will be next year. Key in our terms. Since God is above time it is all taken care of. Another friend used to always remind me of that. I wish I could take these truths and let the peace of Christ reign in my heart. Right now...i am uneasy.

21 March 2007

Dust Bowl

So I live in the desert.

Today in Geology, Prof. Burt was talking about the effects of wind on erosion and the development of dunes. Talking about (as DC Talk put it) how you can't see the wind but you can see the effects of the wind. Biking to my Art History test i felt the wind on my back and thought back to a story a friend shared with me last week. We shared testimonies and he reflected on the moment he recieved Christ remembering a gust of wind. At the time he just thought it was pretty sweet, but with reflection admires the wind recognizing the Holy Spirit is described as a gust of wind. I'm not really good at recognizing God's presence in my life. He's always with me, but sometimes it is harder for me to see than others.

I feel like I'm in the middle of a dust storm. God's presence is all around everything in my life right now but as the wind picks up I can't see what is forming around me. I'm not sure where I am headed or where to step. I shift my weight trying to maintain balance only to realize the best bet is to wait until I hear a whisper guiding me where I should go.
On Spring Break we played a version of Fear factor and in one of the rounds a teammate was blindfolded and had to run behind someone banging a pot lid to direct them where to go. It's scary not being able to see. And sometimes I don't want to take a step forward. But as God's whisper guides I know I can trust His voice to follow. I want to be a Rhino. Running 30mph while I can only see 30 feet in front of me. As I've said before...the Christian life is like driving at night. You can only see as far as the headlights reach, but you can make the whole trip that way. So here I am...waiting to move. Waiting to run ahead.