02 April 2007

Finding my Neverland

J.M. Barrie: [gives him a journal] Here you go.
Peter Llewelyn Davies: What's this?
J.M. Barrie: All great writers begin with a good leather binding and a respectable title. Open it.
Peter Llewelyn Davies: [reads] "The Boy Castaways: Being a record of the terrible adventures of the brothers Davies, faithfully set forth by Peter Llewelyn Davies."
J.M. Barrie: Kipling would swallow his own ear for a title like that!
Peter Llewelyn Davies: I still have no idea what to write.
J.M. Barrie: Write about anything. Write about your family, write about the talking whale!
Peter Llewelyn Davies: What whale?
J.M. Barrie: The one that's trapped in your imagination and desperate to get out.

I love the movie Finding Neverland. I haven't watched it in a long time but it was on my mind today. It is one of four movies that makes my cry every time i watch it. (the other three are field of dreams, men of honor, and hardball. We are Marshall will probably be added to the list as soon as it comes out to DVD) But i was thinking about how it makes me cry every time i watch it and compared it to this whole scholarship situation. Almost every time i dwell and have time to process i just start crying! Today I forgot to turn in an element of my Comp. Literacy homework. I realized right as class ended and when i got back to the dorms I just lost it.
I'm dreaming big.
I'm clinging to the promise that God will grant the desires of my heart. I don't know how it could possibly come to be, but I'm asking and willing to receive. I used to think God would tell me I was asking for something too big if I prayed for something i really desired, like "God, I need $8,000 for Holland and it's getting close" or "God, I really want to make all "A's" this semester," but He wants to listen to my prayers and give me what is best, even if it doesn't necessarily line up with my wants. God is above time and doesn't always give us what we need right up until we need it.
I used to be like Cameron Diaz in The Holiday. I could never cry. These days that tends to be the opposite these days. But it is not the tears of failure...or of mourning that stream from my eyes. They are the tears of waiting. Tears of the unknown. Tears of fear from maybe having to leave behind great friends once again. I've done that so much in life I wish it were a smaller world after-all. I wish Kayla and Kristy lived in the same world as Jean and Guido, Delaja, Alexa, and Ariel. Then I wish that world would transform next door to the world of Sarah, Katy, Emily, Mish, my roomies, and the troopers which would magically be in the same duplex as my family. Long distance is hard. Sometimes i feel like i am trapped between four worlds not including suburbs. Kinda looking forward to that mansion in de hemmel one day.
Don't get me wrong..life is good. A little hard at times, but for now I'm ok with being a little emotional. After-all...the tears eventually stop right.


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