I picked up a new book recently on my trip to Long Beach, and a line from it keeps resonating in my head. It's a book about a graduate going off to find himself in the world. For him (as far as I can tell by the title...i'm still reading), this journey takes him to seek Alaska.
“Francois Rabelais. He was a poet. And his last words were "I go to seek a Great Perhaps." That's why I'm going. So I don't have to wait until I die to start seeking a Great Perhaps.”
I've been thinking a lot lately about how the Gospel is able to penetrate our cultures and desires, in order to, redeem them back to how God has designed us. I think this idea of 'The Great Perhaps' plays right into this. I've spent more time than not on my worrying rocking chair, spinning my head in circle, but not making any forward progress. Asking God what His will is for my life and what he wants me to do. Do I stay in collegiate ministry for the haul? Do I go overseas? Do I go back to the work force and intentionally reach my co-workers for Christ? Is it ok that I've been in this job for over 3 1/2 years and still enjoy it, but there are parts that can be frustrating at times.
What if I'm supposed to be somewhere else. What if I want to start a woodworking shop where my friend can bake and I can sell photographs. What if I get sick of people feeling entitlement in life to deserve any more than the wrath of God? I can be plagued by the what-ifs in life if I let myself.
But there is a beautiful reality I've been reminded of recently...God is far more sovereign than we realize.
BOOM. Did your mind just blow? That simple truth is just that: truth. God's will and desire for us is not a terrorizing corn maze with people trying to confuse your steps, but God desires us to succeed and move towards Him. He desires our hearts! Not our ability to try and figure out every single moment of our lives and worry about fearing God is a way that paralyzes our steps. God has a marvelous plan for you, and he isn't going to make it impossible for you to find! In Psalm 119:30-32, it describes it as a path we get to run into with freedom because Christ has enlarged our hearts and set them free! I asked my grandma once if she ever wondered about staying in God's will when she was younger, and she replied something along the lines of, "No, never had to think about it much." How freeing to pray, and then make choices!
I am so glad I don't have to worry about the "Perhaps" in life, but get to focus on the reality. My reality is that I am an ambassador for Christ. Currently, in State College, PA. I am a royal priest, holy, a new creation, a mighty warrior, filled with God himself: the Holy Spirit, an oak of righteousness, a helper, a leader...and one day, I am certain, I will stand in the midst of a Rev. 7 crowd praising the Glorious name of the Father, because Jesus alone is worthy to open the scrolls. I get to rise from my chair, and move and start seeing this reality now, I don't have to wait until death.
Of this, I am sure there is no perhaps.