So I'm thinking a lot these past few days, as dangerous as it is.
Tonight I put in the class of 2005 CD Craig just gave to me. I'm weighing this whole Holland thing and trying to figure it all out in my mind. I'm back. My body is in America so I should transfer my mind here as well. Last night I went to the Russia meeting and Mrs. G said something that really spoke to me when discussing Christians worldwide, "Our languages are different, but our hearts are the same...they beat." Between that and Amanda saying the thing that impacted her the most was, "going over there and realizing, I was nothing," my mind is turned back to Holland.
God has taught me so much I don't want to lose it. I don't want to 'waste' the next four years of my life in studies when what I want to develop is not photos, but a deep relationship with God. It sounds kinda cliche and cheesy but I truly desire this now. Being a sheep, I still don't make the time, recall this desire to mind, or put sleep as a lesser value than this. That hurts. I'm starting to feel. Not overall but in small things (If you have ever seen the movie Hardball or Finding Neverland you will know what I am talking about). I want to change but I just don't know how. I still worry when I should trust. People say realization is the first step and then comes the desire to change. Well, I am stuck. I need support and encouragement to continue out of this rut I am in. I can't do it on my own. Eugene Peterson once said," A diminished view of God is the price you pay for your comfort." Well, it's been quite some time since I've felt entirely comfortable in a place so now I am asking you, LORD...help me see you clearly. If you do, I'll do my best to remember the staff.
"'As nothing is more easy to think, so nothing is more difficult than to think well.' If we ever think well it should be when we think of God." A.W.Tozer